Showing posts from March, 2023

Re-Emerge, Spring 2023

My guide words for 2023 are: wander, receive, open, free. Each a mineral I need not just to grow, but to just to live with uncertainty  and a sense of being trapped after big health lows and losses. 2021 was all about weathering the pandemic and getting sober, some thing I'll write more about in the future.In the fall of 2022, I had to turn away from the surgery I needed to maintain the strength and steadiness in my left leg. In the very operating room, I realized that the PTSD--from anesthesia and intubation problems with previous surgeries was too much, I could not continue. Using my voice and getting off the gurney gave me a huge sense of agency, paradoxical as it was. Leaving the hospital meant meant using my wheelchair and the complications that brought to my daily life.  December 2022 arrived and looking out of my one seeing eye changed abruptly. It was as if I was wearing sunglasses and could never take them off. And there were new, even thicker areas of gauze across my sigh

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