Re-Emerge, Spring 2023
My guide words for 2023 are: wander, receive, open, free. Each a mineral I need not just to grow, but to just to live with uncertainty and a sense of being trapped after big health lows and losses.
2021 was all about weathering the pandemic and getting sober, some thing I'll write more about in the future.In the fall of 2022, I had to turn away from the surgery I needed to maintain the strength and steadiness in my left leg. In the very operating room, I realized that the PTSD--from anesthesia and intubation problems with previous surgeries was too much, I could not continue. Using my voice and getting off the gurney gave me a huge sense of agency, paradoxical as it was. Leaving the hospital meant meant using my wheelchair and the complications that brought to my daily life.
December 2022 arrived and looking out of my one seeing eye changed abruptly. It was as if I was wearing sunglasses and could never take them off. And there were new, even thicker areas of gauze across my sight. For complex reasons related to my specific existing systemic illness, my retina had peeled partially away and now joined my cornea and optic nerve in their shadow place.
And then (I'm cutting other difficulties out because this is only the beginning of the point), my digestive system had a huge flare-up. Acid rising in my throat threatened to harm my compromised lungs; food would stop running through my system, stalling for days even though I was on a high fiber diet. This caused the extremely painful re-opening of an anal tear and sometimes, the inability to even swallow water.
The words--wander, open, receive, free--were chosen to hold fundamental cravings for life that were now so much more hindered by my body. If I kept trying to look away from them, they would crush me and insured the opposite of their meaning. So I hold them gently and with mindfulness as I move through this year. When it comes down to it, I understand that what I need is a radical re-understangin of my chosen words. I have no answers ad I know that what really matters is asking the questions that can be a doorway. The words, in 2023 I hope, will be clues, suggestions, talismans.
If you identify with any of these body experiences and want to explore them in a session with me, I would be happy to listen and hold space. It is neccesary to hold space before you can transform it or leave it. And then, if you're interested, I can support you in finding the medicine words you need to travel with for awhile.
So, here I am, re-emrging and grateful for the following opportunities:
On Tuesday, April 11th at 6 PM EasternI'll be at SIXPO offering a virtual workshop. Thisnearly month-long festival is an exploration of sexuality by and for people with disabilities in Canada. Through journaling, guided exercises, and discussion, we will explore why somatic sex education can't empower you in your sexuality. We will focus on a foundation of secure, curious, and expensive sensuality. Yay, Canadians!
I'll be actually, in the flesh at the New Orleans Poetry Festival. Travel means extra much now that the world has chnaged. Poet friends and I have created an interactive roundtable around sound. When sound becomes the necessary means of writing poetry Sunday, April 16th at 9 AM. Our workshop is called Sound as Method; it plays with somatics, vocalizations, and speaking (dictating) as a means of adaptive poetic process. Do not be alarmed if the link sends you to a re-direct page, the website is a bit wonky. Unfortunately, this event does not have a live stream or virtual attendance option.
The Crisis Center of Tampa Bay has asked me, as part of Sex \Workers Outreach Project Tampa Bay to give a talk via Zoom about the intersection of sex worker rights and crisis counseling. More and more, people are educating around sex work decriminalization and I'm happy to be part of this effort.